Didn’t think I’d be going through a breakup immediately prior to the holidays, but here we are. My inability to let go of people makes it a bit more difficult than most I think–it was only two months, it shouldn’t have meant much, and though my crying-my-eyes-out phase was confined to a single day it still kind of stings. I suppose it could just be the onset of being alone on the holidays making the world feel that much more lonely.

Need to find something to do on New Years. Copious amounts of champagne (Barefoot Pink Bubbling Moscato is my new guilty pleasure, shuttup) and potentially someone to slobber over when the ball drops sounds like a lovely idea. Need to get on that.

Anyway. New Years Resolutions, here we go:

-Lose 10 lbs before California (hah, that involves going to a gym, doesn’t it? Money’s on this one going down the toilet awfully quick)

-Get the heck to California (savemoneysavemoneysavemoney)

-Blog more–weekly at LEAST–on both this and Quarter Life (Crisis) Cuisine, and therefore COOK MORE. 2 New Recipes a Week.

-Find motivation, get more things accomplished in a full, timely manner. Eliminate distractions.

-Figure out if I need anxiety meds and/or a therapist. This seems like a rather important thing I’ve been putting off. I should probably get up-to-date with all my doctor-y things ASAP as I only have another one and a half years left on my parents’ health insurance…

-Get rid of the toxic people in my life–the people and “fenemies” that do nothing but bring me down. If you can’t be happy for my accomplishments, if you make up excuses to not see me or care about my life the way I care about yours, if you can vent to the end of the Earth about your daily annoyances but won’t show me the same patience, or if you just make it your daily mission to somehow bring me down, I’m sorry but out you go. No room for false and fairweather friends, it’s time to grow up.*

I’ve found that, because I constantly need to surround myself with people, I often have trouble letting people go. Even when they clearly WANT to go. It’s taking a lot to not call up certain people and try just one. more. time. But I know I’ve tried, and tried too much, and that it’s their turn to try, and if they don’t want to, I suppose that’s on them.

I’ve found that nobody can make you happy but yourself, and next year will be about trying to find my happy. Being comfortable with myself again–in a way I haven’t known since freshman year of college–and letting life take me where it will, without me worrying and trying to plan out every last detail. Life will happen and I’ll be everything I want to be, and it will happen just when it needs to.

Happy Holidays, everyone. Hope they are filled with joy and happiness and just a dash of stress to keep it all interesting.

let it go – the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise – let it go it
was sworn to
go

let them go – the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers – you must let them go they
were born
to go

let all go – the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things – let all go
dear

so comes love

~ e. e. cummings 

 

*A couple people in mind, none with all the above traits together (at least I hope). But, knowing me, I’m a fan of second chances and even thirds and fourths, so this one will truly be hard to stick to.